I had more appointments this last week - got poked, prodded and measured - mostly in preparation for the radiation treatments which begin on Tuesday. The measuring part was actually kind of interesting - they used a caliper-type device to take measurements of the thickness of my head, neck, chest, etc. and on down to my ankles so they can calibrate the dose of the radiation for each of those areas. Also they measured my lungs via x-ray so they could make customized lung-blocks (so the radiation doesn't cook my lungs), and the thickness of my chest wall via a CT scan. Then I stood in the radiation "chamber" (I assume that's what it's called - it looks like a glass-walled shower stall) and they drew an outline of my body for some reason - I didn't catch why. Tomorrow I will go back and they will re-check all the measurements, then the real thing starts the next day.

On Friday I had some outpatient surgery as they installed an intravenous catheter into my chest. I'll spare you the details, but what they'll use it for is administering the initial chemotherapy and subsequent meds, plus it can be used for drawing blood whenever they need it. Mark learned how to take care of it while I'm at home (daily "flushings," weekly dressing changes).

I also spent a lot of time at work, or working from home, whenever I could. It was kind of tricky trying to think three months in advance and write down procedures, reminders, etc. for everything I know will have to be done. I ended up with a seven-page typewritten list and cringed when I delivered it to my co-workers. It's another motivation to get well quickly -- I really do like my job and I look forward to getting back to it and back into my responsibilities.

Today Jessica and I went to Target and bought a bunch of stuff I'll need while in the hospital and in the temporary housing I'll be in afterward. It never ceases to amaze me how a short trip through Target can add up to a receipt with triple digits. "But I only got a few things..."

Mostly I am doing okay with everything as the treatment day draws closer - but the hardest part is knowing I will be away from home for a couple of months, and from the regular routines of my family and friends. I do not do transitions well. I want to pack up everything and everyone with me so I can be totally surrounded by the familiar while I go through this journey. And I know it's not possible. But I'm believing for God's grace to carry me through.

This morning on the way to church I started singing along with one of my favorite new songs (which I would upload here if I could) - it's on the new Hillsongs United Live cd; the song is called "From the Inside Out." Anyway, it was probably a bad idea to start singing - because then my heart kind of got all mooshy and started crumbling, and the tears started, and the mascara I just put on was making tracks from the corners of my eyes. Not a good look. But I was reminded yet again of God's faithfulness...how He is always with us, with an everlasting love that shines from His everlasting glory. In His perfection, He accepts us and covers us and guards us - imperfect as we are. His love is humbling, His strength melts my defenses.

"Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades.
Never ending, Your glory shines beyond all fame.
And the cry of my heart is to give You praise
From the inside out of my soul."